The World According to Steve

If you have ever watched the cable channel Spike you have run across a fast rising show on the network entitled Deadliest Warrior. The show attempts to determine 'who' is the tougher, stronger, or deadliest individual between the two entities chosen. Most recently they pitted the IRA against The Taliban. Sometimes they are lighthearted and other times more serious.

After lastnight's blog entry I began thinking. Who would win between Guantanamo Bay and Abortion Clinics? They apparently have a lot in common, most notably the aspect of torture. The hot debate rages over prisoner treatment at Gitmo, specifically the 'enhanced interrogation techniques' used on three suspected terrorists. The torture techniques in question include a procedure known as waterboarding.

From listening to pundants on every news channel under the sun I understand the technique entails holding someone under water for 20-30 seconds at a time to simulate drowning, until they are willing to give you vital information. This procedure is now considered a form of torture and is not allowed. That is why I am pressing law enforcement officials to arrest my brother Scott and my cousin Ricky as quickly as possible. When I was eight I clearly remember both of them dunking me under water in the local community pool until I promised to take the blame for throwing numerous toys in my parents basement sump pump.

One other technique used at Gitmo included sleep deprivation. This apparently includes denying needed rest to prisoners in an attempt to make them sleepy enough to crack under pressure and reveal important secrets about upcoming attacks or plans. In addition to my brother and cousin, now add to the list my 18-month old son. Ha! Finally got you Cooper! You made those first ten months of your life a nightmare for me and now payback is mine. You deprived me of sleep far longer than I was promised by your mother and now your torture technique practices make you an enemy combatant.

Though Guantanamo Bay has tough torture practices, they are nothing compared to abortion clinics. And this time....I am serious. If your squeamish this paragraph is not for you so please skip! If our soldiers were to pull off a prisoners legs, followed by detaching their head from their torso until death ensued....there would be justice to pay. If our soldiers were to boar a hole in a prisoner's head or nose to scramble their brains until death ensued....there would be justice to pay. If our soldiers were to use a sharp instrument to cut up a prisoner then suck the remains into a beaker using a vacuum 29 times more powerful than yours at home until death ensued....there would be justice to pay. If our soldiers were to utilize a salt based chemical to poison and virtually burn a prisoner from the outside/in until death ensued....there would be justice to pay. And finally if our soldiers were to stab a pair of scissors into the base of a prisoner's skull until paralysis occurred, then extract the brain via a suctioning tube until death ensued....there would be justice to pay. And rightfully so. No one in their right mind would suggest that those actions above were NOT torture if performed on an adult, regardless if they were a P.O.W. or otherwise. Anyone performing them on a prisoner would be immediately arrested. However, since it is a child these practices are performed on..........................

Since the opening of Guantanamo Bay 4 deaths have occurred and all by suicide. No one takes these lightly. I would imagine that life in any prison is more difficult than I would want to imagine. That is why I choose not to break any laws. The difference is those individuals encamped at Gitmo are still able to breathe. They may not enjoy their three square meals a day, separated by moments of leisure involving ping-pong in the morning and Jerry Springer in the afternoon, but at least their breathing.

I would hate to be held under water....check that....I hated being held under water when I was younger. I assume that it would not be much more pleasant as an adult, but the Deadliest Warrior in this episode unmistakably goes to the Abortion Clinics. Since their inception nearly 50 million lives (or potential lives depending on your abortion stance) have been lost, compared to four at Gitmo. No contest. Their record clearly crushes their Warrior competition. If your in favor of closing Gitmo because of the stigma that surrounds its name and the actions that occurred there - great. Me too. Now....let's start talking about those other torture facilities shall we?